"I think that terrorists are probably a lot like fairies and only exist if we believe in them. If I see a terrorist I think the best thing to do would be to point and laugh at him instead of getting scared and he'll probably just die. Terror eliminated"
"I think a funny joke to play on yourself would be to date a guy who lives with his girlfriend, but says that they're broken up and he's moving out in two months. Then two months later when he doesn't move out, look in the mirror and say, "Gotcha!"
"Is it just me or does the idea of Guardian Angels freak anyone else out? Someone always there watching you, following you wherever you go and you can't even see them. Sounds more like a glorified stalker to me. I think that would be a good defense for stalkers. 'No officer, I'm not stalking her. I'm her Guardian Angel.' But you didn't buy it, did you Officer Jenkins."
"If I was Catholic, for Lent, I'd probably give up Lent, because I like everything else too much."
"I think masturbating should be in the Olympics. It wouldn't matter who won the gold, because everyone would be a winner. Except for Flaccid Boy. That would just be total and utter embarrassment. But he'd probably never make it on the team anyway. Loser."
"I don't trust blogs one bit. Computers pulling your thoughts out of your brain like that? I mean, how do they even do that? It's like magic. That's another thing I don't trust, magic."
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