"If a dolphin ever tries to rape you, I've found that it's best not to use your rape whistle on them, because dolphins are immune to rape whistles. If anything it will just egg them on to do tricks like balancing a beach ball on their nose while still continuing to rape you."
 
"I think being a man is probably a lot like being a woman, except you would make way more money, have way more upper body strength, wouldn't have to carry another human being inside your body for nine months then push it out of your tiny vagina and you wouldn't have that constant fear of rape all the time. But other than that, almost completely identical."