Dolphin Rape

3/8/2011

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"If a dolphin ever tries to rape you, I've found that it's best not to use your rape whistle on them, because dolphins are immune to rape whistles. If anything it will just egg them on to do tricks like balancing a beach ball on their nose while still continuing to rape you."
2 Comments
LEAH
3/9/2011 06:03:50 am

Why do I feel nostalgic for Jack Handy's book, Deep Thoughts? The scariest animal in the world is not a lion or a tiger, it is a shark, riding an elephant, wielding a knife... or something.

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Stephanie Carpentieri link
4/15/2011 04:13:32 pm

Yes, Jack was wise beyond his years. Always getting us to think deeply, but yet always getting us to come up with the most obvious answer. "The lion or the tiger or even the elephant" would be a threat yellow compared to a "shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see", if you see that shit you better run. Jack knew that and he always did his best to inform us simple minded folk who just didn't have the ability to see the things that he could see. A real visionary just leading us through the dark. He saved my Life, because one day I did see that shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they saw. And you know what? My first instinct was to just stand there, dead still, in utter amazement at the sheer wonderment of it all and that Sroaebjtaeets(that's what I called the beast for short, an acronym)would've trampled and eaten the shit out of me, but then all of sudden like a beacon of light, Jack Handey's words came to me. "Contrary to what people say, the most dangerous animal in the world..." then I just snapped out of it and shagged ass out of there! PHEW! I'm sure I could've saved a few children that I pushed down along the way and I still feel really bad about that. Maybe that old lady who was stuck in her wheel chair. Oh and that puppy who was tied to that tree, god he was really cute. I just left him there, that's a shame. I didn't even try actually. The crazy beast monster was waaaaay behind too. I had plenty of time. I just didn't really feel like risking it I guess, but the point of the story is, I made it because of Jack's wise words. Thank you, Jack Handey. It's just too bad more children, old ladies and puppies don't read his stuff. Lesson learned.

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