Carpet Nuts

"In high school I got the nickname "Carpet Head" from my stoner girlfriend, because my last name is Carpentieri. One night my other girlfriend was drunk, got the nickname wrong and called me "Carpet Nuts". Now to the outsider hearing this nickname for the first time, it sounds like I'm a dirty whore, who obviously got rawdogged by some dude on 1970's shag carpet, who then got a mean case of "Carpet Nuts", which is of course how I got my nickname. Not because my girlfriend was drunk and just said my nickname wrong. But I didn't correct her, because having a nickname is cool and if you're lucky enough to get one, you hold tight and never let go"